知ってる？ずっと前からそう思たんっだ：

”この世界はゲームみたい。そして、わたしはこのゲームのキャラクターだけです。今あるものすべてはフェイク。

このゲームから開放する方法はただひとつ：死”

心配するな。

わたしは死が望んでない。。。ただ最近存在感がない。

わたし本当に生きているか。生きてるって何？

音楽を聴くとき、心が苦しい。

何が欲しいか、何がやりたいかぜんぜんわからない。

i really really hate it when people talk about things as though they saw it with their own eyes..

I was standing on the crowded train home just now and there was this nerdy looking gal sitting near me that stood up from her seat abruptly (and asking the auntie beside her to look after her seat in the meantime) and she went elbowing into the crowd. Feeling curious, I looked at what she was doing. It turned out that she saw an old man standing some distance away and wanted to offer him her seat. The old man rejected, and I could faintly hear that he was going to get off at the next stop.

In the meantime, the auntie started a furious discussion with her husband, the uncle.

uncle: eh why that gal suddenly went off ah?
auntie: ?
uncle: she went off to offer seat to old man ah?
auntie: No la I dont think so. I think she must have suddenly realized that she took the train heading in the wrong direction and want to go and check la

This poor gal came elbowing back, to find her seat snatched by a well built guy. With not much room to stand, she went further off to stand.

uncle: eh she came back leh
auntie: see? she realised she was taking the right direction la
uncle: aiyor..
auntie: actually she can just check here what why go so far
uncle: dunoe la
(both sorta giggled and look at that gal like she's stupid)

I felt like slapping their faces.

---------------------------------------------

on a side note, I really wonder where I'm heading with my Japanese..

True, I've got a JLPT 2 cert now which I should be proud of, but I don't. I still cannot understand a lot of articles that I read.

i cannot translate shows, articles nor songs.

そんなことが気がついた
あたし本当に弱いね
もしJLPT 1 が合格したら、わたしは何がしたいかどうかわかりません。
迷子になってしまたそうだ。

------------------------------------------

anyway, I'm finishing Lucky.Star soon :*( I really like this nonsense anime a lot.
started watching another 2 nonsense animes as well: true tears and hanasakeru seishounen (so cheesy-sounding)
any other anime to recommend?

i'm now in deep trance listening to this song from her latest album. its called 愛

its sucha sucha beautiful song

ぬくもりに　甘んじて　忘れていた
深く深く　眠っていた　本当の気持ち

まどわされないで　もっとすばらしいことがある
まどわされないで　もっと想えることがある

愛　生まれた時の涙を
愛　知りながら　この手に持ってた
愛　あなたを大切にすること
愛　私にも　できることだから

手をつないで　きっと忘れていた
作られた波に　のみこまれてた

強くいること　目をそむけないで
清くいること　伝えよう

愛　この手が汚れたとしても
愛　あなたを守ることができるなら
愛　そのほほえみのそばには
愛　いつだって私にいるよ

愛　生まれた時の涙を
愛　知りながら　この手に持ってた
愛　あなたを大切にすること
愛　私にも　できることだから

***all credits go to channel ai- forum - http://www.channel-ai.com/about3440.html ****

p/s: you can listen to see the full PV here


the thing fantastic about Ai Otsuka is that her lyrics are very simple, but they are so heart wrenching sweet and pure, that they drive me to tears very often.

i'm going to be old again.

here's my bdae wishlist for this year

1. bag suitable to bring to work.. not too small though
2. bag for going out.. any color or size is fine.
3. new laptop
4. external hard-drive
5. larc en ciel - heart album
6: larc en ciel - true album
7. vouchers

unlike previous years, i did not make a new year resolution this year. No point, since I dont have the will to maintain it

gah

stumbled upon three very funny youtube clips that got me laughing like mad.

1. Bert and Ernie tries gansta-Rap



2. Charlie the Unicorn



3. Charlie the Unicorn 2

Work is still making me depressed everyday. been thinking about what i really want to do, but i always fall asleep before reaching a conclusion. Before i know it, its yet another day of work. And i've only been working for only nearly 1 yr and a half!!

on to happier things:

- i'm going for a short (and its really for about 3 days) to vietnam to attend my friend's wedding this coming week. I'm so looking forward to the short trip. hoping it will make me feel rejuvenated enough for work for the next few weeks

- i'm hopelessly hooked to the new anime: SKIP BEAT! Do watch it if you have the time! its very amusing, I'm so hooked i'm anxiously waiting for new episodes to be released.

- i'm going beijing at the end of the year ! yeah! another break! i still hav quite a number of leave to clear though.


pray that i'll have better weeks ahead.

what's new?

my brother lost his hp again. this marks his 3rd time losing his hp.

he lost his first hp (which was then the latest Nokia model, and pretty exp too) on a table in some unknown LAN shop
he lost his 2nd hp in sch, and we were very glad when some kind soul picked it up and returned to him
now, he lost that same hp again on the train. he had sat down on the seat nearest to the glass pane and fell asleep with his hp on the seat, squashed between himself and the glass pane. upon reaching raffles place, the train suddenly announced that it needs to go for servicing and he cleverly stumbled off the train leaving his hp behind. what made me furious was that he did not run back inside the train to retrieve it. he merely took a backward glance and saw that it was not there and decided it was hopeless and that it was gone.

now

he is talking about getting a proper line (we let him use  precard previously because we know he always loses it and the possibly of someone using your line like mad and giving you a enormous bill is zero). my sister and i both feel that its not the right thing for him, given his character now. we rather get him a card (a $20 card lasts him 1.5 mths) while a plan is fixed and losing it gives one lots of problems. he wants a line because he can continue using the number even after he loses the phone. Moreover, i know he is targeting some stylo model.

seriously doubt he felt a single sense of remose at losing his previous phone. think he did not like it very much, because its 2nd hand and because its not a super modern model.

anyway, i wonder why i'm troubling over this either.

last week, when lehman declared bankrupt, my life went into a mess

its been continuing till this week.

i'm so tired. i'm currently working >15 hrs everyday because i just cant finish my work.

there is just so much to do that it tires me out completely

hope it blows over soon

sighs

i'm very jealous of my fellow jap classmate.

she's pretty (flawless skin apart from a few freckles)
she's tall (at least 1.65m and her legs are long and straight)
she's slim (she's got the kind of figure that can wear all sorts of clothes)
she's clever (she can answer readily whenever the teacher shoots us questions... her grasp of the language is very good)
she's got a good bf (i've seen him in person: nice personality and pleasant looking)


me?

i'm ugly (totally flawed skin)
i'm short (1.55m and not growing)
i'm fat (i cant wear all sorts of clothes... and my thighs are growing thicker at a fast rate)
i'm stupid (i always get stunned in class when the teacher asks)
i'm bf-less (nil. zero.)

sighs

i've been wallowing in self pity and depression. My friend has been trying to get me to exercise, but I have not been motivated to do it. And the fact that my newly bought S$305 spectacles are biting into the right side of my big head and making me wince everytime I shift my spectacles up is not helping either. Yes, i've already made a trip to the optician to get it adjusted but it still hurts. I wonder what is wrong with it. And I'm not the type to kick up a fuss either. Maybe i should but i cant wake up in time on weekends to make a trip down..

sighs

tomorrow is monday. back to the mundane work life. why the hell is my bank account growing at such a slow rate?

sighs

WHERE IS MY MOTIVATION IN LIFE??????

i sang so many Japanese songs today that I'm exhausted.

there were so so many L'Arc-en-Ciel songs that I was overwhelmed. There were even songs from their Kiss album!

the songbook was so so thick, and one can look for songs under either by artists, drama/anime titles, new releases, or top songs for a particular year! you can even choose to sing a medley.. consisting of choruses from your idol dating from a certain year.

its really afforable... the 3 of us spent a total of $58 for 4 hours!!

the sad thing (which is common in almost all ktv here) is that the japanese PV is not original. My friends and I saw the same PV for about 5 times even though we sang different songs haha

of course, you can also choose to go there to sing chinese songs and etc.. but what i really found amazing was that this place has rooms that specially caters to people who wish to sing japanese songs

lemme share this wonderful place! you can just sign up to be a member and get member benefits as well :) remember to call them if you wish to book on a weekend! and seriously.. its not really good going there with a big bunch of people.. because the room is small and its really just right for 3 people.

CASH STUDIO
2 Havelock road @02-10/11 Apollo Centre
Tel: 6533 0090

package deals (includes 1 free drink)

mon-thurs
1-6 pm: any 3 hrs for $30+ (for 3 or less pax) || additional person each $5
6-2am: any 3 hrs for $35+ (for 3 or less pax) || additional person each $10

fri-sat
1-6pm: any 3 hrs for $35+ (for 3 or less pax) || additional person each $7
6-2am: any 3 hrs for $48+ (for 3 or less pax) || additional person each $10

sun
1-6pm: any 3 hrs for $35+ (for 3 or less pax) || additional person each $7
6-2am: any 3 hrs for $35+ (for 3 or less pax) || additional person each $10

MAY 24 2008



the day started off nicely enough but it went downhill the moment we entered the Asia World Expo. Sure, there were MANY people milling around but we did not expect the queue for the goods to be SO LONG and the worse part was that the queue was cut because the organizers think there ain't enough goods to go around. The lucky people in the queue were barricaded in a long hallway. The goods booth itself looked rather pathetic... consisting of long tables and big brown paper boxes. There isn't even a banner so to speak. *sighs*

The very lousy goods booth




the arena


The concert hall was quite packed and I was feeling quite happy. I then noticed a commotion in the good-seats zone. guess what. JIRO from FEI LUN HAI was in the audience seats. there were a couple of fans girls wanted to take photo with him. The security guard chased them away, and reprimanded Jiro when the former saw him wanted to snap a photo of the stage *sniggers* I knew he might come, because he lamented on how he missed L'Arc's performance in TW. Still, it felt surreal knowing he is sitting in the same hall as me. This lucky chap was escorted backstage and came back beaming from end to end. $@*&$&*&%(

spot jiro... he is wearing a brown top with a shiny print at the back..


the show soon started...


bits and pieces
    - i recall fondly how ken decided to be the camera man during a song and was filming the audience. everyone went wild. then hyde decided to hog the screen and everyone went wilder. :) hyde looked very cute.
    - i kept reminding myself not to sing along but i did
    - i kept focusing on the stage because i kept wanting to see the real person instead of looking at the screen.. hence most of my clips show only them on stage and no upclose shots. :(
    - there were many handsome guys at the concert as well

the stage



L'arc en ciel will be having a 20th anniversary concert in 2011..

 WILL I GO? YOU BET I WILL! :)

in 1 more week + 16 hrs, i'll be seeing my idol again... YIPEEE


yes people, spendthrif me is spending money to go overseas to watch their concert again.


i'm flying to HK on the 22nd of may, and the concert is on the 24th at 8pm


i think i will cry again hehe

one of the things i like to do every weekend is to look through my friend's blogs and see what updates there are in their lives.

i went to visit my ex-ex-roomie's blog, and i wasn't so shocked to know that she has a new bf again.

she was musing over her breakup with her ex just 1 or 2 months ago.. and now she has a new love.

if i didn't remember wrongly, this new bf probably is number 35 or 36 in her life.

it amazes me how quickly she moves on, and how there's always SOMEBODY waiting in queue for her. There don't seem to be a long period between one failed relationship and a brand new one.

granted, her new bf ain't super duper good looking, but he sure seems like a super super sweet bf.

oh well...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

another thing that makes me feel weird when reading her blog is how she always need to assign a nickname for her bf.

her previous bf was called baby, and this new one is called dear dear.  (wonder what the previous ones were called..)

if i ever have a bf, i wonder if i'll ever adopt such a name for him.. ii will prolly just continue calling him by his name.

none of my other friends seems to assign such names for their bfs as well..

oh well..

just some random rambling to take my mind off monday blues.

i'm really getting fat. so fat, i'm having difficulty wearing my pants. so fat, i'm having difficulty moving.

so fat that i'm reluctant to move my ass and start exercising. sighs.

I'm now currently in level 1 of my japanese pre-advance class. As its nearing the end of the team, my sensei chose today to announce the people who would get promoted to level 2.



I wasn't one of them




i thought it's a bad joke.

Wasn't I one of the ONLY 3 people in my class who passed my JLPT 3 exams (and it wasn't a scrapped through)?

Wasn't I one of the few people in the class who could catch what she is saying most of the time? (and translating it to the people beside me)

Wasn't I the only person in the class who remembered 'mosu' was the lower form of 'osharu'?

Wasn't I....




Throughout the whole class, I could only smile half heartedly at the jokes everyone was making. Those getting promoted were happy, those who did not get promoted were fine as they knew where they roughly stand... i felt even sadder when the sensei asked only my friend about the japan trip even though i went as well. Its as though I was invisible. I could only pretend to be focusing on my work even though I'm dying to make some comments.

My classmates sitting beside me were equally puzzled as well as to why I wasn't promoted. They suggested I ask the sensei again after the class... which I did.

I went to ask her why I wasn't promoted. She replied, " You can proceed to level 2." I got confused and asked," So, does it mean that I'm promoted like the ones selected just now?" She shook her head. "You can proceed ahead if you want. But you will have to be prepared that it will be harder and more difficult for you to cope as you have yet to reach the same level as them. You will have to work harder." To this I could only shake my head weakly and say "I understand.."


What went wrong????? (bet my secret rival is laughing at home now)


One of my classmate thought that it may be because I hardly spoke up in class.. How the hell do I get the chance to speak up in class when she doesn't pick me to answer questions most of the time!! In my heart I'm very aware that she has certain names on the tip of her tongue.. and I'm not one of them.

I felt the same way I did back in primary school when I was partnered up with a girl who was not very good at badminton. Exasperated at the way she cant seem to hit anything back, I crossed into her half to hit the shuttlecock back. I got punished and was made to do frog jumps around the court. Outraged by this insult, I promptly quit the team.

I felt the same way I did in secondary school when I was once again partnered with a gal who was not very good at badminton. It was the mandatory freshman trials and I was dying to show my basic skills. The trial session ended with me not hitting a single shot... because the shuttlecock never left the girl; she was unable to hit it to me the whole time.

I harbour weird ambitions of suddenly quitting the class and making my teacher regret that she did not promote me. I feel like starting over in a whole new environment whereby nobody will know who I am, and wouldn't say "oh.. this is the gal that thinks she is very good but the teacher did not promote her. What a loser" (yes, paranoid me thinks the whole class is thinking this way)

I really dont know what I'm so upset over. I know I can just ignore my sensei and skip into the next level.. But guess what? She is teaching the next level as well! It makes me very sad to know that I'm not good in her eyes... because her opinion matters a lot to me.

Have i been over-rating myself all these while? Should I stay back in level 1 and learn more before proceeding into level 2? BUT I DONT WANT TO LOSE! I DONT WANT TO LAG BEHIND THE OTHERS!

sighs

hello people

please visit my ex ex roomie's shop

i think she sells some pretty nice clothes :)  (even though i'm not a online shopper..)

silly me is friendster surfing again at an unholy hour.

i realised i often click on the same few people (which amounts to less than 10), and usually they happen to be my ex-crushes

i will click on them, while, in the back of my mind i'm be hoping that they are having terrible love lives, but that is never the case.

instead, i'll be bombarded with lovey-dovey photos which makes me feel.. inadequate. i am not the green-eyed stalker i was long ago, but someone with mounting regrets and numerous inadquacies.

i will scrutanise the face of their gf, and amaze in just how good they look without makeup, and how much better they do WITH makeup, and how compatible they look with my ex crushes.

i'm feeling very insecure these days. i hate my everything. seems like i'm going back to my secondary 1-2 days where i dwell in darkness. sighs

i woke up this morning to a shocking sms sent by my friend

"L'ARC IS HAVING CONCERT IN TAIWAN AND HONGKONG IN APRIL AND MAY. WANNA HAVE A ASIALIVE RENUION?"

i went to her blog and saw the below:

----------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, this was posted over at larcenciel earlier.

初のフランス公演を含むツアー決定！ ( First live performance in France announced! )
7カ所10公演、総動員32万人！ ( 7 venues, 10 shows , 350 000 people! )

I'll say, I DON'T CARE ABOUT FRANCE AT THIS POINT. LOOKAT THE OTHER SHINEY VENUES 8DDDDD


2008.4.19 上海 源深体育場 ( Shanghai )
2008.4.26 台湾 中山足球場 ( Taiwan )
2008.5.09 パリ ルゥ ゼニット アリーナ ( Paris )
2008.5.17 ソウル オリンピックパーク体操競技場 ( Seoul )
2008.5.24 香港 アジア ワールドエキスポ アリーナ ( Hong Kong )
2008.5.31 東京 東京ドーム
2008.6.01 東京 東京ドーム
2008.6.03 東京 東京ドーム
2008.6.07 大阪 京セラドーム大阪
2008.6.08 大阪 京セラドーム大阪

-------------------------------------------------------

suddenly my japan trip seems wrong. wrong. wrong.

taiwan in late apr sounds fantastic. yucky hong kong in late may sounds good even. going japan in the first week of june sounds JUST SO RIGHT.

sob sob sob sob sob sob

anyone wanna go japan in my place?